Tired of searching in vain. Lucky enough to have the heart to settle down at the beginning of summer. Great.

All that time I spent goofing online and chatting via msn will come to an end shortly. Just realized that would not help me in anyway for relieving my pain. Instead it ate up way too much of my time that should've been spent on research. I apologies to myself.

As a retrospection, also a summary of my recent cavalier life beginning late spring, I wasted my time looking for something not to be looked for but rather be waited upon in real life. The positive side, perhaps the only one actually, is that by doing all these un-me things, I went out of my system and came back with an extremely open mind. It helped break my chains. On that happy note, though it took a while, but fortunately today, I figured out this piece of wisdom that looked too plain to cost people like me to think over for more than a year. 

On the ugly side, there's more to the world as we see every day. People we greet may have dark sides that when come to light will be despised by many. A place to show this fact is called www.mitbbs.com, where most boards are hogged by aimless north american Chinese losers. People would shamelessly talk about having sex at the back of their husbands / wives with someone else. They even detail the moves and feelings in doing so. Isolated from vast majority of people around whom they grew up, those students already recklessly failed their own lifetime expectations by self-distorting their minds. I see twisted souls indulging themselves in sensual pleasures while keeping responsibilities at bay.

Needlessly those people still continue to do what they do as we speak, betraying their families and friends. For a PhD student they already forfeited their zest in questing the unknown. Corrupted and wasted both in their bodies and souls but still think highly of themselves. The world should be ashamed to see their existence. Those are people who betrayed their own dreams. Well, I may be wrong, because some of them do not have dreams at all in the first place. The meaning of their existence as it appeared to me is to consume necessary supplies of food and air to maintain the balance of biosphere. Out of this group of people, for those who pollute the environment, I don't see why they should be alive. They are simply no good for anyone or anything.

Lucky enough to find out the point to stick to, I need to start work very soon. Ciao.